Monday, August 17, 2009

How NOT to peak in high school

Truth: It is NEVER classy to peak in high school.

So we have all been there. High school. I'm not sure what stereotype you mostly fell into but I sure know what I did. I was the "dork/nerd/geek." It's true. I wear my stereotype proudly, because in reality, it got me to where I am today.

What qualified me as a dork? No, I didn't wear pocket protectors. I was just in all advanced classes which made me "socially unacceptable." Which was fine by me. I still had a great time in high school and wouldn't change a thing. My classes came with 40 fun friends that I was able to spend all four years with. Actually, I will share a secret with you at the end. But first, you have to read this post.

Ok, so since we have all been there, you will know that every high school has them. They are known as the popular girls/mean girls/It girls. Whatever. Basically the girls that no body likes except for themselves. They, in all reality, crowned themselves popular. (I always thought popular was judged by how many friends you had. Who knew?)

Any who, for those of you not fortunate enough to get in with the chosen ones, don't fret. Because, my friends, believe me when I tell you that they peaked in high school. Those four short years were the only best years of their lives.

I will bet that 9 out of 10 golden girl gets fat, knocked up, or is still working at Tan Co. So, here is my advise to those of you going through high school (or just a fun thing to think about for those of you not fortunate enough to belong to the popular club.)

1. When you are in high school, you find the idea of drinking thrilling, rebellious and oh so cool. Now, I am not dogging alcohol, because I drank when I was in high school. However, drinking was not my life and is still not my life. Besides, binge drinking leads to beer bellies. I swear that most of the golden girls from my high school that are now slightly (when I say slightly I mean they are carrying around two extra grown people or more inside of them) overweight, gained their extra pounds by hitting the bottle a little too hard. Their sloppy love affair started early in their high school years. Do yourself a favor and truly drink in moderation. Don't let high school be the last time people remember you at your skinniest and healthiest.

2. We all know that life is full of surprises. With this being said, every child is a blessing. But do yourself a favor and keep any extra-curricular activities safe. There is nothing better than looking back on high school or the immediate years following and knowing that the homecoming queen got knocked up by her 28 year old boy friend at the time who just so happened to be married. Very classy. At the very least, if you get a little surprise of your own, don't let it stop from doing what you want to do with your life. Keep moving forward. It is best for both you and your bundle of joy.

3. Do something with your life. Go to college, trade school, or get your feet wet with some serious work. Don't be the girl that is still working at Tan Co. just for the discounts. You will end up leathery and looking back on your life with nothing to be said for it. Trust me, college is nothing like high school. I thought high school was kick ass, but college was even better!

Another piece of advice that my oh-so adorable boy friend would like to add is...
"Getting around and going to new places is fun. Ending up with a house that can do the same is NOT fun."

What I am saying is...there is nothing more gratifying than looking back and realizing that their best years are behind them and your best years are ahead of you. So, with whatever you do, always do the next thing bigger and better. AND, don't get so caught up in high school bull-shit that you get stuck there.

Ok, now feel free to laugh at my graduation picture.

Ok, as for my secret. Let me preface this with saying that I never thought any guys from my high school were interested in me. I didn't really care. Most of them were lame anyways. Since graduation, I have run into guys from high school that were outside of my social circle. On more than one occasion they have mentioned to me that they always thought I was "good looking", but felt that I was unapproachable because I was so "smart." I laugh at the thought of me being intimidating. But I'll take it for what it is.

So remember, classy chicks are like fine wine. We only get better with age.


Bookmark and Share

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Ode to a Toxic Friend

Let me preface this post by saying that this is an actual letter that I sent to a (soon-to-be-former) friend of ours. This person has serious issues that cannot be encapsulated into a small blog post, but suffice it to say that you can only imagine the things that led to this letter.

- - -

Everyone has one. A toxic friend. Someone who you've known forever, been friends with for years, but you just cannot seem to get them out of your life. Try as you might, you can never find the right time or place to confront them with your unhappiness. As they say (and by "they", I mean me as well), "misery loves company".

Well, I say that the time is now, and the best place, at least in my case, was in a letter, because you can calmly and reasonably collect all your thoughts and sit on it until you have edited to the point where you feel it is fit to send. I think a letter is the best way to do this because it allows you some freedom when speaking, its personal enough for someone to really think about it and take to heart, and it can be changed to your liking (before the "Send" button, of course).

The following names have been changed to protect the guilty.

- - -

First of all, I have to say, that you are incorrect in your assumption that according to you, "it just wasn't the right place/time to bring up the issue [I] have with [you]". Yes, although it may have not been the right place or time, if you recall correctly, because as you said, you were "SO SOBER" you must remember that the issue was dragged out of me by you. This happened because throughout the night, at various times, you kept stirring it up and asking me to tell you. After refusing approximately 20 times, I eventually gave up and brought it out into the open because you "just wanted to know and [you] wouldn't get mad".

I'm sorry that what was said hurt you enough to retaliate by calling me a "fucking bitch", and a "terrible fucking friend", and also by telling me that you "fucking hate" me. (Your words, not mine.) Granted, I also said some things, but my words were not as abrasive until you introduced them into the vocabulary.

Second of all, there were many things that I did not say that night. Partly because I again, did not feel was the appropriate place or time to do so, but also because I just didn't have the energy or time to make such an extensive list. They are as follows and I will make them as brief as possible. I know you like specific instances when being "attacked" as you so call it, but unfortunately, I didn't have a notepad at the time that these things occurred and contrary to popular belief my life certainly does not revolve around you.

The main thing that is an issue with me is your attitude about yourself and towards others. For example, every single time that we have ever gone out, there has been some comment made on your appearance and/or your weight. To be clear, I am not insulting you. I feel like it is often a crutch that you use as a way to get attention from others. By making some sort of comment like this, you are in a way 'fishing for compliments'. Let me just say that anytime I have ever tried to be nice and to compliment you it is rejected. Why should I even bother anymore? I think that once you start having a better attitude about yourself and you start leaving your issues with your body image out of the equation, you will get a lot more respect and positive attention.

Another thing that constantly bothers me is the way you act when we are out in a group. I feel like the majority of the time, you aren't being true to yourself. Once the focus of the night ever so slightly drifts off of you, you begin to make a spectacle in order to gain that attention back. For example, when the group is at a bar and we break off to talk to guys, all of a sudden, there you are making snarky comments in order to make yourself known to the group once more, or you stand to the side, visibly upset and pouting because you are being "ignored" or "not included". For the record, no one intentionally excludes you, but rather, they just happen to be focusing their attention on something else for a few short minutes.

If you want a specific example, I'll give you my most recent one. About a month ago, when we all went downtown for Lisa's birthday, TB and some of his friends met us up at Flannery's. TB was drunk and after I introduced him to JN, he began a "guy convo". I tried 3 times to introduce him to you because he was drunk and not paying attention. Instead of taking it for what it was, a drunk guy talking to another drunk guy, you began pouting and saying (and I quote), "Oh no, its cool. Just ignore me. No big deal. Just pretend I'm not here." That was really embarrassing the next day when I had to explain to TB that no, my friend didn't hate him, she just always acts like that.

I understand that its hard for you to approach people you don't know at a bar, but that's what we do. That's how you meet new people and new friends. I realize its not always the easiest thing to do, but sometimes you have to just go for it. Unfortunately for me, its not always easy to meet new people and new friends when my group has to constantly babysit you and make sure that you're being entertained and your ego is being fed. Its not fair. And if that is the reason that I never call you to hang out, then so be it. If that is what makes me, in your words, "a shitty fucking friend" then so be it.

Finally, the last thing I have to bring up is your favorite topic of conversation. The "Drama" Issue. Pandora, I don't know if you have ever noticed, but for some odd reason, whenever I am with my friends, we always have a great time, whether it is a group of three, or four, or more. We always, always, always have a blast. The only time there is ever a "drama issue" is when you are added to the equation. Funny how that happens. I know that you say you "hate drama", but honestly the ONLY time it is ever in the picture is when it comes pre-packaged with you. Once you start realizing that, then maybe you will understand why I don't call you to hang out. Part of the reason is that your temper tantrums and pouty faces are embarrassing and frankly, if I'm not getting paid to babysit on a Saturday night, why should I waste my time?

On the other hand, I am truly sorry that I wasn't there for you throughout your breakup with Danny. I realize that was a hard time for you, and as someone who has been through a rough breakup, I should've been there to help you and give you advice, or at the very least, a shoulder to lean on. However, you know this about me, I try to be as level-headed as possible, and I honestly think that that is something you hate about me. I feel that way because whenever I urge you to see both sides of the story, you shut down the idea completely. That is fine. Do what you want or need to do. But I ask you this, if you aren't going to listen to me, then don't ask me. I try to see both sides of the story, and Danny is my friend, too. You both deserve happiness, and maybe what you need is to move on. I know its hard. I know you are having trouble with it. But honestly, it is what is best for you. In order to become a whole person again, the best thing is to stop dwelling on the past and start looking towards the future.

Pandora, I say this with all my heart, you are honestly and genuinely one of the kindest souls I have ever met. I know that you will do anything to go above and beyond what is asked of you to help someone out. I truly feel that you are a beautiful person both inside and out. I just wish that you could see that for yourself instead of relying on others to tell you. I wish that you would let your guard down and let others see you for the amazing person that you are. Unfortunately, all of your wonderful qualities are often overshadowed by your negative attitudes and unwillingness to listen.

I understand if you never want to speak to me again. Honestly if that's what you want, then I welcome it. But I will tell you this, I recently saw a movie and as corny as it sounds, the instant I heard them say these words, it reminded me of you. Take from that what you will.

I am not going to be the goody-bag at your pity party anymore.

I know that misery loves company, but I don't want to be in your company anymore if this is how you act.

I mean this in the best way possible, but I honestly and sincerely recommend that you seek professional help. Whether it be a counselor, a therapist, or a psychiatrist, I think it would benefit you to share yourself with someone outside of your social circle.

I wish you all the best and I look forward to hearing from you (only if you let these words sink in).


If you're wondering why I decided to change this person's name to Pandora, I felt it was the most fitting name to describe this person.

PANDORA (Πανδώρα): Greek name composed of the elements pan - "all" and doron - "gift," hence "all-gift." In mythology, this is the name of the first mortal woman whose curiosity unleashed evil into the world.

Bookmark and Share

Monday, August 3, 2009

Wardrobe Staple: The Perfect Leather Jacket

"You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better."
- Confessions of a Shopaholic

So true. So true. Except, in our case it wasn't just shopping. Oh, no. It was the Leather Jacket (and yes, it deserves to be capitalized).

True story: SH and SS were shopping one day (the usual), and they happened to be talking about their fashion wish lists. The one thing that was on both of theirs was the "Perfect Leather Jacket". Cropped just above the waist, small stand-up collar, vertical pockets, fitted, and of course, the perfect shade of black. And that's when they saw it. Heaven in the store window. Staring back at them, calling their names, taunting them with its beauty and perfectness, there it was. THE. EXACT. JACKET.

So of course, they did what any sane girl does when she swears she's just window shopping and has no intent of buying anything. They bolted for the store and begged the salesgirl for their sizes.

We can literally swear, we felt like we had died and gone to heaven. It felt like sex. Only better.

SS is about to cry cause she wants it sooo bad, SH is just delirious.

45 minutes later, after swooning our hearts out, we left, teary eyed, but vowing to ourselves that it would be ours. Oh yes, it would be ours.

And it was. And it is soooo damn good.

- - - - -
The perfect thing about a leather jacket? You can literally pair it with anything and it looks PERFECT. Seriously. Once you have one, you are set for life. It can go anywhere from super casual, with a t-shirt and flats, to mega-glam, with a mini-dress and stilettos. It reeks sexiness.

So, here are a few of our favorite outfits, but feel free to explore your imagination and remember: there are NO limits.

PS - In order to remain ultra-badass, SH and SS named their jackets (Bonnie and Clyde, respectively). Not kidding.

Outfit One: Comfy Casual (Perfect for a low-key dinner/movie date with the girls.)

Outfit Two: Dressy Casual (Date night with the boy.)

Outfit Three: Super-Chic (Ready to roll for a night out on the town.)

So there you have it. Go find your perfect leather jacket and release the Fonzie within.
-The Classy Chicks

Bookmark and Share

Truth: The Efforts of a Good Wing Girl Never go Unnoticed

Ladies, the first thing you need to remember when going out on a night on the town with your friends is to establish some ground rules. For example, when my girls and I plan on hitting the bars we make three basic guidelines for the night.

First, we establish who is driving for the night. There is nothing sexier than getting home in one piece. My friends and I take turns driving so no one ever has to play the "who-is-least-drunk?" game. Not fun.

Second, we make sure we look DAMN good. And, let's not kid ourselves, we always do. Confidence is always sexy. Cockiness is not. It's okay to think you look hot! You are!

Finally, and most importantly, we establish our wing-girls for the evening. What is a wing-girl you ask? Well, let me break it down...

When picking up guys, its always best to work in small groups. Usually 2 to 4 girls is best. Any more than that and guys start to get intimidated by what we like to call "the pack effect". Men are naturally hunters and they like to swoop in and capture their prey. What they don't know is that we're playing their game, and beating them at it.

We also make sure that when we're are talking to guys that we don't move in on someone's "mark" or "target". Sure, it sounds cruel, but it's just ground-rules. Basically, my friends and I have a system on letting the other girls know which guy we are interested in, and we would appreciate it if they helped us out and didn't get too cozy.

Wing-girls are the friends that work on occupying the friends of your "target". And usually, guys are doing the same thing, so although they think they are working their game, we are working ours harder. This can usually be done by striking up an interesting conversation, usually about the creepy guy in the corner that always seems to start dancing like a fool at the sound of a techno-remix of some obscure 80s song.

When closing out the night, I find that its best to remain coy. I've had a guy who was too shy to first approach me, so I made the first move. However, when the night started to wind down, and I noticed that no number was going to be exchanged, I told him it was nice meeting him and that I would maybe see him around. All of a sudden he tried giving me his number. My trusty wing-girls came to my aid and said that he should take MY number, otherwise, no deal.

All I can say is, DON'T take it, unless he asks for yours first. If he wants to call you, he will, otherwise let is roll off your back. You have plenty of time to go out next weekend and start from square one! There are plenty of fish in the sea, so why waste time on a minnow when you could catch a shark!

Happy fishing!